Winning the lottery is lucky, and getting pooped on by a pigeon is full of this suerte. But I’m not quite sure finding two silverfish (I think that’s what they’re called) and a frickin’ King Kong sized spider just outside the window to which you are just merely inches from is four leaf clover material. Nope. Not at all. And although there is most likely no luck attached with finding these bugs, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t discover them, literally moments ago.
Okay, well that was sort of a lie because the first silverfish I sighted yesterday (I am currently failing you with my lack of research on the bug’s name [sorry, no tracing back to the heritage of it], and I apologize for that. But I’m not going to type in silverfish and identify the bug’s appearance with pictures online. I’ve seen too many of these slender beings recently to go ahead and look at one more J). The sighting was around 10 a.m., in the shower, right near my bare feet. A screech, a jump, and a quick run-away later, and I was on the carpet outside my bathroom. Of course I figured I was free from bugs out there, until my mind started wandering to the many a spiders I have found crawling about that very same floor…
I gathered my wits, despite my creative mind (nice way of putting that, huh? Creativity works for writing blogs, not when you want to steer away from thoughts of silverfish, and snails, and spiders, and germs… Woops! Sorry! My imagination again!) and devised a plan. I would grab the can of mirror spray, a trusty pal…that kills bugs…and douse the ‘fish in the chemicals. I used my science k-nowledge (before the Great Vowel Shift!) of chemical reactions and put it to work on the bug. After about, I don’t know, 10 sprays (exaggeration) I saw with satisfaction that its wriggle ceased a bit. But not enough. It still wasn’t dead.
The big wad of toilet paper I gathered to crush this bug would have amused an exterminator. Exterminators use bare fingers to kill a bug this size. Me? I was scared to even feel its lifeless body underneath the gathering of paper. It took me 8 minutes and 17 seconds (no exaggeration…okay, maybe a little) to finally smush the silver little fish. But I wasn’t done. After the smush comes the fearful grab and throw into the toilet receptacle (nice word, eh?). Add another 6 minutes and 2 seconds to the tab and finally the bug was flushed down the toilet, down to where all the other stuff that goes into the toilet, you know what I mean J, goes. Goodbye, old friend… that I met 14 minutes and 19 seconds ago.
After I pushed down the metal knob of the toilet, I figured that my silverfish troubles would be coming to an end. (Oh my gosh! Totally random, but I was just looking up pictures of toilets to find the name of the knob I just mentioned when I found a picture of a Victorian High Tank masterpiece. Check this babe out:
Ain’t she a beauty? Moving on!) But nope, the “M”and the “F”and the “T” in My ‘Fish Troubles did not cease, for I found yet another one moseying about in my shower… again. Oh my goodness! Why me? It makes me feel so special, in a freaked out, scaredy-cat way.
Anyway, this time I cut out the 14 minutes and 2 seconds and just asked my sister to kill it, taking her only a mere few seconds to dispose of it. I wish I didn’t get so scared! But the whole time I was showering I was constantly fearful of dropping silverfish, flying bugs that would land in my at-the-time knot of hair. But I was worrying about the wrong thing because in the midst of my paranoid search about, I found a honkin’ big bleep spider just outside my window. Of course, then I was wishing for the little silverfish! I literally was close to tears, no joke. Little whimpers escaped my throat now and then as I clumsily smeared conditioner into my hair, the whole time staring at the King Kong just a tiny bit away. Why is it that the one person who is so freaked out by bugs, finds them literally all the time. And you guys know this is true because of all my bug-related posts. Why, why me? L
But in spite of my screams of death, I did indeed survive the cleaning. “The worst shower ever,” I told my sister. And that’s the truth. But I am alive! Surprise, I know. You all thought the spider was going to crash through the window, spewing glass every which way, and attack me, huh? I know. I thought that, too. But it didn’t happen and I am breathing (after washing my hands a thousand times. I understand that I never touched any of the bugs but I still felt dirty. My mind has an interesting way of thinking things, doesn’t it?
And by the way, I am deeply sorry to the exterminators that I stereotyped earlier. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. Not all exterminators may want to get ‘fish guts on their hands. J
