My Darn Mind

I just came back from my gymnastics class that I take every Friday (I lied.  I just came back from dinner, which followed my gymnastics class.  Minor details, but I wouldn’t want to lie to you guys.  That would break our unspoken, fictitious (there’s that word again) trust.  Do we have trust in each other?  You trust me to write every day, and I trust you to read it…?  Wow, how did I get on this subject?  This is a really long parentheses phrase…or sentences.  I’m just going to go back to where I started when I say go.  Okay…goats!  Ha!  I just tricked myself!  What I meant to say was GO!)  Joining this gymnastics class my mom got us started in by word of mouth, is the absolute smartest thing I’ve ever done.  A great workout (toning my legs!  Woo!).  A class to which you learn AWESOME tricks that you can show-off at soccer practice and school (both of which I’ve done).  And a class that is packed, from the trampoline work to the ground tumbling, with nothing but pure and simple joy.  Amazing is one word to describe gymnastics.  Love it, love it, love it.

Although currently I am enjoying my class, from the minute I walk in to the moment I step out and all that time in between, I went through a rut.  Rut meaning that I groaned when it was time to settle in the car for the fifteen minute drive.  This rut wasn’t due to a lack of kindness.  The coaches, the kids, the parents all were very sweet people.  That wasn’t it.  My rut was caused by something very powerful.  Something that made me wish I could sit out of my classes for a long time.  The culprit was my mind.  I have a strong and persuasive mind, one that would think about the possible fall that might happen, instead of the good stuff, where you actually complete the trick.  This persuasion, this fear, caused me to hate going to my lessons because I was too scared to do any tricks.  Everyone around me was doing all of these cool things that my body could do, but my mind wasn’t ready for.  The first time I really discovered this darn mental fear was when I was still learning a simple trick.  That trick was a round-off back-handspring.  I could already perform this on the trampoline, completing it just as I should.  The place where my mind kicked in was when I was attempting it on the ground.  The ground didn’t have a soft and squishy red mat to land on, making any fall comfy.  Although that mat left behind white pieces on your rump, it was the perfect place to perfect any trick.  But the ground was and is much different.  It is a little softer than a concrete sidewalk, but not by much.  A fall, any fall would hurt.  Which is what my mind was so dang afraid of.

The first couple of weeks I completed it on the floor and did it wonderfully, no fear.  My coach would spot me (meaning she would help me through it so I wasn’t doing the whole thing on my own) and I kept nailing it.  She continued to tell me that she was hardly spotting me, that I was ready to do it on my own.  That’s when my mind kicked in.  That’s when the fear of falling and seriously hurting myself set in.  That’s when I stopped doing the trick.  Even with a spot.  I ran a few steps, completed the round-off, then abruptly stopped.  No back-handspring.  Nada.  My coach assured me that it was okay, that sometimes the round-off just feels off.  I tried it again and nothing.  No back-handspring.  Looking back on it, I am thinking the same thing that you are probably thinking.  Why?  Why wouldn’t you do the trick, especially since your body’s ready and you’re being spotted?  I don’t know.  I tried and tried and tried.  My mind just wouldn’t let me throw it.  Even with spot.  This is why I hated going to classes.  It was stressful on me, doing absolutely nothing in the class, while everyone else was hitting their tricks right on the dot.  I wanted to do it so bad, to impress everybody, but I just wouldn’t.  I would go out in the backyard, my sister ready to spot me and would do the trick over and over, minus the back-handspring.  It was like living in H-E-Double Hockey Stick.  I hated it so much, yet nothing changed.  For a very long time, over a year I recall.

Yep...very powerful!

Then one day, one of the new and temporary coaches was helping with my class.  Ryan was his name.  A super fun guy who threw his jacket on my head one time (it smelled like Axe).  He came from a more elite gym where the coaches made the students do the trick.  None of this funny business was allowed.  He told me to do a double back-handspring on the trampoline.  I did a double back-handspring on the trampoline.  He told me to throw a perfect back-tuck with a spot.  I threw a perfect back-tuck with a spot.  He told me to do a round-off back-handspring on the floor.  I did a round-off back-handspring on the floor.  Never in my life was I so proud.  I smiled and smiled and smiled at Ryan.  I beamed and beamed and beamed at my family.  Amazing.  He just told me to do it, and as the goody-two-shoes I am, I obeyed.  I was so happy.

After that monumental day in the gym, I later took my trick outside to the grass.  I can do it now without even thinking, in the gym, on the grass, anywhere just like the dude in Green Eggs and Ham.  I have progressed greatly from that trick.  Today in my class, I did many back-tucks off the air-mat (a mat with less bounce that the trampoline, but more bounce than the floor) all by myself.  I perfected plenty of round-off back-handspring back-handsprings (not afraid anymore, huh?).  And I worked on lots of round-off back-handspring back-tucks with a spot.  I used to have this hard trick by myself, but sadly lost it.  I’m working on regaining it though.  In a couple of weeks, I hope I can proudly say I found it again.  Why’d you leave me, super-cool trick?  I was good to you!  Also, before we started our tumbling, my coach had us try new types of handstands (just so you know, I’m not one of those people who can hold a handstand for more than a minute.  Mine last only a few mere seconds).  The three we tried are as follows: your legs stretched in a split, your legs stretched in a split with the first leg bent (or staggered), and the last one was your legs stretched in a split with both of your legs staggered.  Completely surprising myself, I did all of these amazingly.  Go moi!

So as you can tell, I was a success story!  I survived my darn, little mind issues and can do amazing tricks.  I’m so proud of my little Erin Marie (sniffle, sniffle).  Gosh, don’t make me cry on the world wide web!  I have to excuse myself before the tears pour (tissue dab).  I can’t take it anymore…  I’m going to cry.  I got to leave, so adios amigos!